THE night I was about to go on my first Feeld date I got spooked.
I was on the app, which is aimed at open-minded singletons and couples looking for an adventurous sex life, chatting to “T”.
Kinky dating app Feeld is aimed at open-minded singletons and couples looking for an adventurous sex lifeCredit: Shutterstock
The sex-positive app is fast becoming the hottest way to meet people onlineCredit: feeld.co
We’d been messaging for a few hours when he suggested meeting for a drink.
I was taken aback but flattered. He hadn’t even told me his name yet.
While I was thinking it over, “T” messaged again, asking what my thoughts were.
I still wasn’t sure, so continued holding off replying.
Another 20 minutes passed, and I’d resolved I was too tired to meet anyone new that night.
But as I opened the app to tell “T” this, I discovered he’d already unmatched me.
I’d got my first lesson in Feeld etiquette — users do not like to wait.
A few days later I had another near miss with a man named “S”, who seemed normal until he asked about my favourite musicians and then, when I let an evening pass without replying, followed it up with a graphic question about my sexual preferences.
I might still be waiting for my first Feeld date but that could soon put me in a minority.
The sex-positive app is fast becoming the hottest way to meet people online.
Launched in 2014, Feeld’s downloads increased by 320 per cent between 2020 and 2023, with 1.6 times as many active users in the UK compared to this time last year.
Even celebrities are getting involved.
On Tuesday, it was reported in this newspaper that EastEnders star Charlie Brooks, 42, is on the app.
The actress, who played Janine Butcher on the soap, has been single since splitting with Ben Hollington, her boyfriend of six years, in 2018.
It’s been reported that ex-EastEnders star Charlie Brooks has signed up for the app
It is interesting that Charlie put her details out there, because unlike mainstream apps such as Hinge, Bumble and Tinder, on Feeld most users are anonymous, using either pseudonyms, initials or hiding their faces in their profiles.
It is also far more diverse, with 20 sexualities and 19 genders to choose from.
Another difference is the information on people’s profiles.
The app has a dedicated “desires” section where users can list their various sexual predilections.
So instead of revealing, say, their height or star sign, a Feeld user might divulge their penchant for threesomes or bondage.
If it sounds terrifying — that’s because it is.
Hence why I was initially reluctant to join.
But in recent months Feeld’s reputation has been shifting.
Gone are the days when the app was reserved for the hyper-kinky among us.
Sure, all that stuff is still there. But a large majority of Feeld users are actually using it to look for relationships.
According to Feeld’s own data, almost 40 per cent of its users state in their bios that they are looking for monogamous long-term commitments.
More than one friend of a friend met their current partner on there. And almost all of my single friends are on it.
Even though I have yet to go on an actual date from it, Feeld is already offering me so much more than other dating apps ever have.
On Hinge, for example, my matches often result in a Mexican stand-off, with both of us waiting to see who will make the first move, which inevitably results in no one making any moves at all.
Or I’ll start chatting to someone, discuss meeting, then never hear from them again.
On Feeld the pace is faster. People on there seem to actually want to talk to you and meet.
So much so, that if you’re not quick enough, they won’t bother keeping you in their match list — like “T”.
It might sound brutal but it’s nothing compared to being ghosted or slowly strung along by someone (an act that is sometimes called “breadcrumbing”), both of which have happened to me with men on other apps.
It is behaviour like this that has led to an endemic of dating burnout, whereby single people have tired of all the disappointment, deception and game-playing on mainstream apps. In this landscape, Feeld offers something new.
“I randomly messaged a guy from Feeld one Sunday and we ended up going to a pub for a few drinks,” recalls Jemma, 28.
“We really hit off and eventually went back to his. We laughed a lot and even though he’s left the country for a few months for work, we’ve remained on good terms.”
Another user, Al, 32, has met several single women on the app.
“One night, one of them invited me to join a threesome with another guy, which was incredible and very passionate,” he recalls.
“I’ve had a few flaky experiences with other people but nothing too bad.”
Generally, the thing that seems to be attracting people most to Feeld, though, is the honesty of its users.
“I’ve found people on apps like Hinge aren’t honest about what they want,” says Annie*, 33. “There’s more lying and manipulation.
“What I really like about Feeld is the upfront approach, not only in terms of what they are looking for but also about people’s situations.
“If they’re in an open relationship, for example, I find it leads to more authentic connections, which is probably why I rate it so highly.”
Frankly, after years of being misled by men on other apps, it’s incredibly refreshing to encounter a totally different approach, even if it’s one I’m still pretty intimidated by.
For now, though, I’ll be playing the Feeld.
Not just because the opportunities and possibilities seem quite literally endless, but because the thing that’s been missing most from my dating life is transparency.
And it’s about time I found it.
*Names have been changed.
Olivia says Feeld is already offering her so much more than other dating apps ever have
