There are five types of intimacy in a relationship: emotional, intellectual, experiential, spiritual, and physical. The healthiest relationships are those in which both partners work to fulfill all five, as these relationships achieve a level of closeness that you cannot reach if any areas are neglected.
But less than 50% of Americans report being happy with their sex lives. And though there’s more to a healthy relationship than sex, you cannot have the best relationship possible without a satisfying sex life. Because of this, it’s essential that you know how to talk to your partner about sex.
Sex is an uncomfortable topic for many couples, which is why we’ve put together this guide to teach you how to improve your sex life through conversation. Using these tips, you and your partner will be able to have the best sex of your entire relationship!
1. Start Now
The best time to start having conversations about sex is as soon as possible after getting into the relationship. You don’t have to bring up your fantasies on the first date, but try to start your relationship on an open, honest note.
Start with the basics like consent and contraception options, preferably before you sleep together for the first time. Once you’ve built the trust and intimacy needed to have more intimate conversation, you can move on to talking about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Now, when it comes to fantasies like using sex phone lines or roleplaying, don’t be embarrassed! Everyone has them, even if not everyone shares them.
Depending on your specific fantasies, you might need to take it one step at a time with your partner. Share something on the vanilla side and build up to more involved fantasies.
When you’re talking about your sexual fantasies, be sure to tell your partner how they fit into them. Tell them what role they would play so that they don’t feel excluded.
2. Time It Right
When you’re approaching the topic of sex with your partner to improve your relationship, you have to have good timing. It might seem like a good idea to talk about sex right before or after you’ve had it, but this is actually a common mistake.
You’re more prone to feeling vulnerable when you’re naked, and the heat of the moment might make you agree to things that you didn’t really want.
You need to make time away from the bedroom to talk about your sex life, and if possible, plan it with your partner. Surprising them with a conversation about sex will lead to a less productive talk, as they won’t have had time to prepare their own talking points.
Keep in mind that this doesn’t apply to fantasies. It’s best to talk about these when you and your partner are already turned on, to ease the conversation and make your partner more receptive.
3. Keep It Positive
Conversations about sex should inspire sexual confidence in both you and your partner, not make either party feel vulnerable or insulted. To ensure that this happens, you have to ensure that the conversation is kept in a positive direction.
Be careful to make suggestions instead of complaints, and preface something you don’t like with something that you do. Be honest with your partner, but do it in a positive way rather than a critical one.
Tell your partner how much you love a certain aspect of your sex life, like how the two of you can laugh while you’re making love because you’re so comfortable with each other. Then follow up the compliment with a request and try to make it feel as if you’re trying to turn your partner on rather than giving them sex tips. Consider starting with, “it would be really hot if-“.
4. Choose One Topic
Once again, it’s important not to overwhelm your partner with conversations about sex. Sex is one of the most intimate things we can do with another person, and can cause a great deal of anxiety as a result. The last thing you want to do is make your partner feel inadequate in the bedroom, as this will push you in the wrong direction.
Sex talks should be short and sweet. It’s better to have many brief conversations about your sex life than one long, drawn-out talk.
5. Listen to Your Partner
Last but not least, it’s essential that you not only talk to your partner but listen to what they have to say as well! Sometimes our biggest problem isn’t our unwillingness to talk but our inability to listen.
While you’re partner is talking, don’t be thinking about what you’re going to say next. Truly listen to what they’re saying and digest the information.
Many people fear hurting their partner by saying the wrong thing, so they overthink what they’re going to say and it prevents them from having a productive conversation. You can prevent this by practicing putting your emotional response to the side and focusing on curiosity.
Remember that your partner is their own person with their own perspective that might not always mesh with yours. In doing this, you’ll find it much easier to have even the most difficult conversations.
Learn How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex to Improve Your Relationship
Though sex isn’t everything in a relationship, the health of your sexual relationship is often an indicator of the health of your relationship overall. The healthier your sex life, the healthier your relationship.
This is why it’s so important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex. An open, honest relationship is the key to a strong bond with your partner. It might feel awkward at first, but once you open the door, you’ll never want to close it again.
Looking for more tips for improving your sex life? Be sure to check out our blog!
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