‘Explain that aftercare is just as much a part of sex to you foreplay’ (Picture: iStockphoto/Getty)
‘This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a d*ck.’
Those were the words of Jon Hamm’s character in Bridesmaids, mere moments after having sex with protagonist Annie.
It paints a pretty stereotypical picture of one-night stands and hook up culture: you’re in, you’re out, they’re never to be seen or heard from again.
Post-sex cuddles, pillow talk or watching a movie in bed together are often seen as the domain of established couples.
But this sexual aftercare is incredibly important in helping to ensure you and your partner’s emotional needs are catered for after sex – and, let’s face it, emotions can be even more heightened after casual sex.
In a nutshell, you deserve aftercare whether you’re sleeping with a stranger, or a long term partner.
That post sex glow (Picture: Getty Images)
But how do you go about communicating that to a person you don’t have an emotional bond with, or one you may have only just met hours before?
Psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, Ness Cooper, says it’s important to set your intentions from the outset.
Sign up to The Hook-Up, Metro’s sex and dating newsletter
Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom?
Sign up to The Hook-Up and we’ll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can’t wait for you to join us!
‘If you’re looking to add aftercare to your one night stand or f*ck buddy arrangement, getting a heads up regarding if someone is comfortable for you to stay a bit afterwards can be helpful,’ she says. ‘Some people may be too busy or have shared accommodation where they can’t have someone to stay long.
‘Then, when describing your needs, explain that aftercare is just as much a part of sex to you as, say, foreplay. We all have our own routines, rituals and patterns when it comes to sex and erotic play. Stating that you find sex more pleasurable when you have a moment for aftercare can help your sexual partner understand.’
And, just as you might bring lube, condoms and sex toys to your f*ck buddy’s house, you could ask if there’s anything you need to bring for this portion of the sexual experience.
Men and women reveal how likely they are to have sex on the first date…
Research by Lovehoney shows that it’s almost an even split between those who get right to it, and those who wait.
The survey revealed that 49% of respondents had previously had sex on a first date. When it comes to the gender divide, 59% of men said they’d done this, compared to 43% of women.
When asked about their motivations for sex on the first date, the main motivation for women (49%) was to test how sexually compatible they were with their potential partner.
For men, the most common reason was simply because they enjoy it.
Other reasons included connecting on a sexual level, seeing if your potential partner accepts your kinks, and doing it to calm your nerves.
‘There are other items to negotiate and discuss which we may find helpful during and after sex,’ she says. ‘This could be food, a change of clothes, wash items, or a sensory item to help you come down from your pleasure high.’
If you don’t feel comfortable chatting to a one-night stand about joint sexual aftercare, remember this is something you can do for yourself too.
‘Have a selfcare plan for your own aftercare,’ Ness suggests. ‘This is particularly helpful for when you are having a one off sex session, as you are able to help regulate yourself afterwards.’
This could be anything from debriefing with a friend, treating yourself to a pamper day, or going for a run.
Read More Stories
‘This can also be helpful days after a sexual incident due to feelings that can arise afterwards,’ adds Ness. ‘Having an understanding of your sexual goals can help you process these more easily.’
Finally, Ness also suggest agreeing on what kind of contact you’re both comfortable with post sex session.
‘Ask whether a text is ok or not. If you feel you need to chat after sex and the person is unable to fulfil this, see if you have a friend you can talk things through with.’
And remember, aftercare isn’t just for when things don’t go great – it’s there to ensure you keep feeling good about sex.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
