We fell in love and got married. I did EVERYTHING for him, cooked, cleaned, did the gardening, took out the bins, sorted all the household stuff like bills and stuff, nursed him after a major surgery, ironed his shirts and made him packed lunches. In return he’d remind me how lucky I was he wasn’t one of those terrible guys who went out drinking all the time and that I was so lucky to have such a nice guy. He left me for a friend of mine and screwed me over financially by taking the bulk of our savings… I’ve now realised I don’t want “nice”, I’ve gotten myself a “bad boy” who also happens to be a “good man”. Sexy and thrilling but with a heart of gold.
Dated the ‘nice guy’ of my friend group because he was really interested in me and all my friends wanted me to give him a chance. I endured 6 months of him requesting my location at all times and showing up unannounced and uninvited when I was on nights out.
He claimed his behaviour was because he ‘had never dated someone as pretty as me’. Never again.
He went out bowling with his friends and then when he came home he complained to me that for the first time in his life a hot girl had hit on him while he was out, and he was unlucky enough to actually have a girlfriend. He seemed genuinely sad he had to turn her down, and expected me to be greatful he did it.
I ended up filing a police report and moving apartments because he didn’t take it well when I broke up with him. He spent hours outside my apartment demanding an explanation, because he just couldn’t understand that I didnt want to he with him anymore. He was convinced someone had talked me into ending it, and if I would just hear him out I’d change my mind. Took 3 visits from the cops and a change of address before he got the message.
Not well. He was funny and friendly in public, but turned into a different person as soon as we were behind closed doors. He was basically your textbook abuser – manipulative, controlling, and demanding. He wanted to do some really weird and degrading (to me) sex stuff and acted like I was the psycho for not wanting to. He’d make angry comments like “I’m just trying to be romantic and YOU keep freaking out”. I got out of the relationship before he could hit or rape me, but no question that was what the future held. Oh, and he still insisted that he was the nicest guy I’d ever meet.
I basically only matched with this guy on Tinder because he had a funny picture I wanted to comment on. The conversation was actually very pleasant and he asked me to have coffee. I figured I could use a friend.
He was super nice on our date, and even though I didn’t find him attractive originally, him being so nice to me made me interested. I kind of felt like I had seen the light; maybe I should just date someone who is nice to me instead of just going after looks!
Very long story short; I ended up moving to another country for him. He became very controlling, moody and aggressive. It turned into an abusive relationship (emotionally and physically) and I don’t trust my own judgement anymore.
He told everyone we had slept together on the first date, in the cinema when obviously we had not. Then he went to a house party without me and shared a bed with a near naked girl and bragged to me about it. He was really angry when I dumped him for it and went out with his best friend and did the whole ‘left again for a bad guy when I was nothing but nice to you’
He seemed a bit shy but goofy,smart and genuinely kind when he approached me, so I agreed to go out and we hit it off at first. Deep, meaningful conversation about our personal challenges, him quickly meeting my friends and me being the first person he called after a family emergency. We were both pretty vulnerable, but things were seemingly progressing somewhat well.
One day he was on Tinder in bed next to me and when called on it, he said that dating me had made him realize that he needed more confidence and experience with women and thus needed to date a lot more different people, but that he only f****d the others at their houses, so I was obviously his no1. I freaked, cried and broke things off – he called me the next day to casually ask me out to the new Hunger Games movie.
I got an STD-screening the next week – he harassed me at work for another 6 months. 🙂
He was always nice to me but very easily jealous anytime another guy spoke to me. We were just friends and only went out once yet he felt like he needed to make me feel bad whenever other guys gave me a little attention. He also had a horrible drinking problem and serious anger issues. And the whole time he was trying to woo me, he was also hooking up with his ex and ended up getting her pregnant. So yeah, no regrets about that.
He started spreading horrible rumors about me when I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him. After one date. For „but just a weeeeeek!“.
Talked big on how he had gone through so much in life and learnt so much that he finally got to a point where he considered himself a ‘nice guy.’
Surprise surprise he wasn’t..
Over the 4 times we hung out (casual setting) I went to find out that
-he had been arrested for punching a guy recently for no reason other than he was ‘clicking his pen too much and wouldn’t stop’
– the last girl he dated left him because he said some really f****d up derogatory things to her but HEY! NO WORRIES he’s learnt from the past
– he was clingy and possessive and looked down on women who had multiple sexual partners
– he left a girl at the movie theatre late at night alone because she was boring
I NOOOOPED the hell out of that situation, but he continues to message me and hound me and beg me to give him a chance after I have told him repeatedly to leave me alone
the guy is 25 years old and acts like a 12 year old
All the guys I have known or dated that felt it necessary to label themselves “nice guys” turned out to absolutely awful humans. Either they had a bad temper, horrible morals, or just didn’t want to take “no” for answer. One even turned out to be an emotionally abusive alcoholic.
The actual nicest guys I’ve dated or called friends were the ones who didn’t feel the need to label themselves “nice guy”. In fact, the best of them usually warned me and others that they were not all that nice, but always turned out to be the sweetest, most understanding, appreciative, and kind guys I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.
Went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. He was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho.
He once said to me: “I wish you had been abused so you would realise how great I am”. What the hell. Who says that?!
He proposed to me after we worked on a group project. When I turned down this guy I barely knew and definitely never dated he stalked and harrassed me for about half a year until he found his next “true love”. He was a serial proposer.
He tried to rape me because I “belonged to him and only him” now. He thought a girlfriend couldn’t say no. I ended up putting him in the hospital.
Went on a brilliant date. I had the best time. He came back to mine because he said he couldn’t get a taxi. I put him on he sofa and he came into my room in the night and tried to have sex with me. I pretended to be asleep hoping he’d stop, he didn’t. He fell asleep with his hands on my boobs and his hard on on my back. Then in the morning he left and never spoke to me again.
He was a friend of a friend. We went on a date, and it just didn’t click.
Last thing I heard from him was a long rant about how immigrants were stealing his chance to get a girlfriend “because girls like being mistreated by evil muslims, and the nice guy is forever alone”. That’s when I felt like I dodged a bullet.
Turned out to be an awful human being. Was a nice shy guy at first but upon getting into a serious relationship that was just for the public. Behind closed doors was a very insecure person. He had decent looks but was short and skinny with glasses. I didnt mind and never used that against him but it affected his confidence and he took it out on everyone else. Even after trying to work on it for months and always reassuring him he ended up cheating on me several times and then hid behind the nice guy victim thing. Went and told everyone that I was out of his league and just using him as a place to live and I had been the one cheating which wasnt true. I moved out and got my own place immediately to proceed I could and cut all ties.
He was charming, smart, funny, and successful. The personification of Southern Gentleman with an adorable “I can’t technology” quirk. Lovely southern accent.
Managed to “accidentally” block me for months at a time, repeatedly, on phones that didn’t have a blocking capability. Wouldn’t tell me where he lived after almost a year. He didn’t even want me to go to his city for a night out. “It’s the man’s job to come to the lady.”
I dumped him, not because I thought he was cheating on me, but aside from the constant “oh I accidentally blocked you,” I came to the conclusion he was using me to cheat on a wife or long-term partner and wanted no part of that.
He said he would kill him self if I didn’t go out with him I didn’t and he’s still alive actually has a girlfriend too
I told him I wasn’t interested after a few dates. He then pushed and pushed and pushed to know WHY until I was so frustrated that I just told him every little thing I disliked or wasn’t into about him. He took it all in like research and then wrote me a three page letter explaining how much he was into me and how he knew we could get past those things. I told him I still wasn’t interested but we could be friends. We stayed friends until I started seeing a guy, who he definitely thought was the asshole in the asshole/nice guy dichotomy. He wouldn’t acknowledge my new relationship, so we stopped being friends.
He seemed nice and smart and funny. We worked together at a retail store. We went on one date and then he tried to get me to have sex with him in his car. The next day at work, he came up to me in an aisle and loudly told me that he thought I’d given him an STI because it hurt to pee. I was like, “Uh what? We didn’t do anything but make out.” He was adamant that he had something. He mentioned his back hurt so I said “Dude it sounds more like a kidney infection.” He said “Oh my dad gets those a lot.” He then disappeared and I never spoke to him again.
Had a “nice guy” on tinder who didn’t make it to date for the following reason.
He lived in a different city so he insisted on an all day date (lives about 50 mins away). I said I’m not comfortable subscribing to 8+ hours with someone I hadn’t met yet, but he kept insisting I had to make it worth his while to come through. At this point I said I can’t see it going anywhere and it was putting me under pressure and that made me feel a little uncomfortable, that realistically, it may not work out so let’s just leave it.
So then he says he’s gonna book a hotel and come through. Explained that’s sweet but it’s making me uncomfortable. So he says I can have the bed and hell be a gentleman and have the sofa… I explained that he seems to have the wrong idea, I’m not going to a hotel with him and I feel uncomfortable, I don’t want to meet. He continues to press, saying he is nice guy, he won’t make me have sex if I don’t want to. I say I don’t want to. I don’t want to go to a hotel. I don’t want to meet. It’s too much pressure, and for someone I’ve not met, I feel uneasy, thanks, good luck with your search…
But apparently I need to give him a chance. He’s willing to come all this way. I say no. He keeps finding new things to message me. Uses my phone number to add my snap chat and says he can see what street I’m on. At this point I start feeling very uneasy. I didn’t know I had location on. I block him. He messaged on something else so I say I’ve got back with my ex. ( I see my ex a lot, we are good friends, he’s happy to “have a word”) so he starts going on about my ex had his chance and blew it, he is a much nicer guy than my ex, he will treat me like a princess and worship me and my ex has blown it etc etc. I tell him this is my choice. Thanks and goodbye. Please don’t try to message me on anything else as it’s not appropriate and I’ve already blocked on 3 things.
Fast forward 4 months and I move cities. I get an Instagram message. It’s the nice guy saying he’s seen my on bumble in this new city and even though we haven’t matched it must not have worked out with my ex. He’s using Instagram and can see I’m near the station (Is that even a thing?!) And we should go on that date that I owe him.
Blocked again. Had a friend stay over that night.
We dated, he was attentive and “not like the other guys”. He wasn’t my type really, but I HAD been dating people who genuinely treated me poorly and I thought it was time I made a more mature decision and dated someone with a job, who respected me, etc. He proposed super fast. I married him. Fast forward, he slowly became the most abusive person I have ever known, demanding that I devolve into his sex slave. He was addicted to porn, weed, video games, and belived he was “not like other guys”. He was special, according to him. He was more honest, smarter, etc than anyone in the world and I didn’t appreciate him enough. I became a prisoner in my own home, he controlled all the money and my social life. I was miserable. One day he physically attacked me, basically a coercive/physical rape attempt, and I fled my home in panicked fear. He sent me a manifesto email telling me that unless I can submit 100% to his complete sexual control at all times, I was not to come home (to the house we owned together). We’re divorced now. He keeps trying to get me back, he “has changed” and misses me. Nice guys, not even once
Unfortunately we dated for 7 years too long. I was his first girlfriend (we were in college) and he was the sweetest guy ever; not a mean bone in his body. My parents loved him, friends loved him, his family loved me, and everyone thought he was the one because how could he not be? He was so kind, polite, just an all around amazing guy – I loved him but I just never fell in love with him.
From the day we graduated, he really dialed it up a notch and everything he did revolved around wanting to “take care” of me. He just wanted to do everything for me so that I didn’t have to. He got a great job right out of college, bought a house, was making great money for the both of us and …I don’t know. It really made me feel like I couldn’t be my own person or my own success story and that could never be if we stayed together.
I ended up being the one to break up with him. The entire world hated me for it but I made it easy for our mutual friends and just saw my own way out of our social circles. I got a lot of “how could you do this to him?” “How could you be so cruel?” and they were right in that I should have listened to my gut earlier and ended it years ago. In everyone’s minds, there was no justifiable reason why I would do that to such a great guy. To someone so perfect.
But in the end, I knew I wasn’t perfect for him. We went our own ways and he ended up marrying a wonderful woman, from what I’ve heard, and I married my now-husband. Today is our 1 year anniversary and we have a baby on the way, due in April. As he sleeps soundly next to me, I am so thankful that I made the decision I did. I can’t tell you how scary it is to think about what my life would have been like had I stayed. It terrifies me to think I wouldn’t have what I have now.
Nothing bad – it was just bland. Kinda like the guy, just a whole bunch of Ehhh. If he was ice cream, he’d be a sad flavorless vanilla with freezer burn. All we did really was hang out at his house and watch southpark – back when it was cool. He would talk about how women weren’t interested in him which was weird because HELLO, dating you here. We were each other’s first and I wanted to do more than watch him play WoW and us watch southpark. He wasn’t interested until I was going to break up with him. We didn’t stay friends and I learned not to date coworkers when you work in an office of three.
He went on and on about how he “wouldn’t just use me for sex” (I mean… I’d hope not? Why the need to tell me repeatedly?), tried to buy me expensive gifts afted one date, went way over the top with compliments. I got very uncomfortable and cancelled our second date.
he made up a whole scenario about a fake job… told me he worked for Kimberly-Clark as a graphic design person— (which already was strange sounding) as my suspicion grew, I asked for a bs selfie from his office. He proceeded to navigate himself an hour away from his house to an actual high rise within the city and took a picture of himself in an elevator mirror without realizing I’m not stupid (he left his facial piercings in and was wearing a hat, KC is NOT that lenient)… when confronted he said he didn’t know why he lied. wtf.
I learned that anyone can be “nice” but nice does not mean a man is compassionate or empathetic. The “nicest” guy I dated was extremely and even overly polite and would talk about how much he cared for people. I found out rather quickly he was the most selfish and entitled guy I’ve ever dated, more than the “douchey” type I usually go for.
When I went out with the guy I thought he was really cool and great so we went on a couple more dates then started to be in a relationship. After a couple weeks I realized he was very manipulative, rude, and just not the person I thought they’d be. So I broke it off with them and that ended with them following me out to a parking lot (I was in college) after I finish class and would park their car in a way so I couldn’t get out. Then I would get endless calls and texts too. Safe to say I got a restraining order and never heard from them again. (That was about 5 ish years ago)
He sexually abused me. No one believed me though because he was “so nice and wasn’t capable of doing anything like that”
Turned out he wasn’t really nice, but put on a good show from the outside.
Do not recommend. First one was a nearly 7 year relationship that started great and just deteriorated until I dumped him and kicked him out. He was sexually inexperienced which turned into being selfish. He had horrible hygiene which complicated everything, no matter how many times I told/asked him to wash. Could never make an emotional connection with him after the first couple years, but of course I was the bad guy in the breakup.
Second was a kind of rebound guy. Was going great until the first intimate encounter, then he suddenly picked up this “joking” dismissive tone to everything I’d say. I told him to kick rocks.
I’m not doing this again. If it means avoiding nerdy guys, then so be it. But I’m not doing this s*** again.
Thought i was friends with a guy who didn’t take hearing “no” very well when wanting to date. Proceeded to buy sex toys under my Amazon account with the fire stick I got him for his bday. Bought a hundred dollars in toys to send to me, my sister, ex husband, and several other contacts in my Amazon account.
He was very nice to me from the beginning. About a year into it, always claimed he saved me and I should be thankful. Found out after two years he molested his younger sister when he was about 16. Tried to tell me I didnt love him enough because i couldn’t get over the fact he did it. He said many good woman would ride or die and he didn’t do anything wrong to me. Whatever
A Nice Guy friend: friend with my friends, I met him and immediately felt creeped out. Friends all liked him so I quashed my feelings and kept hanging out with him. He paid lip service to being feminist but he’d hit on everyone in the friend group when we’d all made it very clear we didn’t want to f*** him. We all eventually realized he was super creepy and backed away but he was still living with some people in the friend group and we were afraid to explicitly cut him out in that situation. He ended up telling his female roommate/my friend that she looked rapeable.
A Nice Guy partner: I thought he was gonna be a Nice Guy. He hung out in hippie pants, talked about how much he loves V for Vendetta, Japan, and martial arts, he drank White Russians, he talked so much s*** all the time, and he’d offer me massages occasionally.
I’ve been dating him for over a year, he’s super kind and emotionally mature. He’s only really s*** talky when he’s drinking or playing games and before we started dating we only hung out while drinking and playing DND. He genuinely meant those massage offers platonically and was shocked when I accepted a massage and, having rejected him once before, kissed him during it. And the rest he just really enjoys and doesn’t realize that they have a neck beard association.
My take away is to trust my gut but don’t rely as much as I did on stereotypes.
Went on two dates. He tried to drop by my work to ‘surprise me’ after the first one. Thought that was weird, but I was 19 and not wise to the ways of the world yet. On the second date, I told him that he seemed nice, but I wasn’t feeling it.
Dude started SCREAMING at me to the extent that strangers had to intervene because he was using foul language and tried to grab my arm. To this day I’m glad I ended whatever that was in a public place, I have no doubt he would have gotten violent if it had been otherwise.
He’s the only guy I’ve met through friends, we got to know each other a lot better during a camping trip when we both stayed up around the fire getting to know each other. He had to travel for work for 3 months but we decided to go for it and date each other one month before he left. Within a month of his return, he was acting distant and I found out he was still talking to other girls he had met on online dating sites previous to us dating, texting his previous booty call when things with me weren’t great. Eventually I found out that he frequented prostitution forums online and he had cheated on me with them too. When I broke up with him and asked for no contact for 3 months, he told me he wanted to buy half of my condo to prove to me he was in it for the long run (which I said no to). Then right before the 3 month period, I saw him posting pics with another girl he was dating, then him emailing me begging for closure – if we would be talking. A good life lesson I learned in 10 months to trust my gut more.
He pursued me for months and I repeatedly said no because I didn’t see it being long-term. Finally gave him a chance the third time he asked. He was sweet for a week. Then he went back to gaming in all his free time and acted like I was an accessory he now had secured, not a person he actually wanted to get to know better. He was constantly comparing himself to guys at our school who he considered good-looking but douchey, and whining that girls only liked guys with popped collars and cars, not nice guys like him. Note that he was saying this WHILE I was dating him, so it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. He seemed really bratty and immature and he was so insecure that he’d throw his male friends under the bus by telling me who had bacne, who had saggy balls, etc. It was a big turn off, because I figured if he wasn’t loyal to his friends, how could I trust him either? At one point he unzipped his pants, pulled his dick out and said, “pretty good, am I right?” Cringe.
I broke up with him after a couple months and he threatened to kill himself but instead of doing that he just sat in the library playing WoW and glaring at me.
A couple years later I heard through mutual friends that he made a move on my (former) bff and told her he was actually attracted to her the whole time he was dating me.
Such a “nice” guy!
Tried to separate me from friends and family. Moved into my place after 2 months (kid you not… suddenly a moving van in front of my house oO). Negged me, didn’t put anything to the rent, didn’t get a job, nothing. I had a life and he was pissed because I expected him to be grown up (as in I want a partner on eye level, not somebody who’s on one hand living off me and on the other constantly belittling me). Kicked him out threatening to punch him when he said I shouldn’t visit my best friend (female) without getting his okay. It took me 6 months to understand the amount of psychological and emotional abuse, but then … well he literally ran out because he knew I’d punch him.
I gave a nice guy a chance. He just dumped me after a year and a half because even though I begged he never talked about his feelings because he felt selfish. Everything boiled over and he left me. Yup.
Went on a double date with my friend, her bf and his friend. He was clingly and aggressively flirting all night. Didn’t click. Didn’t contact. His friend gave him my number. He became sexual and creepy over text. I blocked and ghosted. A few weeks later my friend tells me that her bf told her that the his friend was upset that I ghosted and carved my name into his arm with a knife. Bullet dodged.
I got sucked into an emotional turning physically abusive relationship for about a year
I said yes to a date, we grabbed some cheap food and set down to play a board game, and he kept touching me everywhere saying he couldn’t help himself even when I told him to stop.
I eventually just got up and left then blocked him on everything. I think he eventually grew out of it, thankfully
Unfortunately the individuals that label themselves as “nice guys” are often the complete opposite once you get to know them, or not agree to do everything they want.
I was in an intensely abusive relationship for 2 years. I got a traumatic brain injury and lost a tooth, among many other things. He made me feel like I was special and that he’d stay loyal. Nope. He was actually, absolutely nuts, and extremely manipulative. I’ve learned that anyone trying to manipulate you into thinking they’re intelligent and kind, is actually a stereotypical Narcissist Disney Villian and you should run away as fast as possible.
Had met a guy online (nice guy) and he was very persistent so I gave him a shot and went on a date with him to grab a drink at a local bar. Told him at the end I didn’t think we were a good match romantically but was happy to remain platonic friends. He stalked me for months. Literally sent paragraphs of texts to me, showed up at every place I went even though he lived an hour and a half away. Made a new online profile to try and talk to me again. I moved back to my home state and he continued to try and find me through Snapchat, Facebook, etc. I think he finally gave up, but it went on for about 6 months.
Terrible. We went out 4 times in 4 weeks and when I ended it he lost his s***! He sent me texts for over a year, ranging from abusive name calling to apologizing over and over. He’s into MGTOW now. Good riddance.
I told him I hated having anything touching my neck and that hands around my neck were a hard no for me. He “kept forgetting”. Had another consent issue and I had to stop everything and say “to be very clear, when I say I don’t like that and to stop, I am not playing games. You will stop if I say no. I don’t tease that way, I will never ‘say no but mean yes’. Do you understand?”
He did not understand.
He quit drinking to be with me. He moved 3 hours away with me. He took great care of my kid. He couldn’t talk to me about his emotions and burdens. He left one morning after an hour of deliberation.
I didn’t actually give him a chance, but…I was talking to my guy friend, Andrew, in the break room at work one day and another guy jumps in the conversation with a “hey man, what’s up” to Andrew. I assumed they must be coworkers.
After that he proceeds to stop by my office every night “on his way out” to make increasingly awkward small talk. I mention that I have a boyfriend (true), but he keeps coming anyway looking for anything to talk about. “Hey, (pointing to the cartoon on the box of cereal on my desk), it looks like we’re both into anime!” Nope, I’m just into generic Lucky Charms, dude. I try to be friendly. Then he escalates into things like “Does your boyfriend come take you out to lunch every week? No? You deserve someone who treats you better than that.”
He offers to build me a better desk. I decline and get a “jeez, I’m just trying to do something nice for you.” I tell him these conversations are making me uncomfortable and when I’m at work I’m working. He gives me a “jeez, I was just saying hi on my way out.” I close my office door. He keeps coming and knocking. I keep the door closed and wave him off. He gives me flowers for Valentines Day.
I go to my friend Andrew and ask him if he’ll tell his coworker to f*** off. Turns out Andrew has only ever talked to him that one time in the break room. We look him up in the company directory and the guy works two floors below me, so I’m not on his “way out.” Eventually I called corporate security and they had a talk with him and his boss and deactivate his badge access to my floor.
We met on Tindr and he convinced me he was such a nice guy and he was so misunderstood…the typical sob story.
He fatfished me with old photos, tried to convince me that I had autism and we would be “an amazing autistic couple.” I finished the date – politely making conversation while waiting for my half of the cheque.
At the end, I wouldnt let him walk me to my car. I walked him to the bus stop and waited for the bus to drive off before I left.
When I told him later that night that we didn’t really have chemistry, he begged for another chance. He told me he was really depressed and had to see me again because I helped him to feel happy. This is 110% emotional blackmail and I fell for it.
We met again, I was really uncomfortable the entire time but he tried to insist that I was the one for him if I would just meet him closer to his place. He kept trying to grab my waist and hands despite me saying No.
I was weirded out and eventually said goodnight. He went in for a kiss, but I ducked and walked the long way home.
He threatened suicide later that night and showed me his giant scar down his arm from when he had been unsuccessful previously.
I freaked out and blocked him.
He messaged me on Facebook a week later telling me that he thought we had chemistry and he hadn’t friended me yet because he thought it was creepy. So he waited and was messaging me as a final attempt to court me.
It was a wild ride.
He was the “nice Christian guy” I thought might be change up from some of the f-boys I’d been dating.
Well, he was insecure as hell as it turns out and constantly negged me. He was also a pathological liar. He once told me I had told him I did believe in Jesus even though I explicitly told him I was non religious when we started dating.
When I broke up with him I told him he treated me like s*** and that I was a god damn catch.
At first he was very charming and lovely to be with, but he became extremely controlling very quickly, telling me what to wear, how to do my makeup, claiming all the typical ‘nice guy’ things like “You’re prettier without makeup”, etc. This was only three weeks in and when I called it off with him he begged me to stay and claimed he was just protecting me from the f-boys out there and started spewing stuff about how girls never give ‘nice guys’ a chance. What ever, man. I’m outta here.
At first I was sympathetic that he hadn’t really made any friends before we dated (starting at the end of our junior years of high school) and believed him when he talked about how “people always bullied him wherever he went” and “no one wanted to make friends with him.” He also loved the idea of dating someone who was going to be a counselor because he thougth it was an admirable job.
Turns out he just wanted someone to be more of a therapist than a partner to him, and he would get upset if I didn’t walk on eggshells around him. Later on he also started blaming me for not wanting to have sex with him every day. I was getting FREQUENT urinary tract infections (multiple a month at one point) and was physically unable to, but that was an excuse to him. He considered masturbating almost as reprehensible as cheating on him, so when I wouldn’t be in the mood (every day) it would be my fault for masturbating (whether I had or not) and got to a point where I would just agree to get it over with and get him to leave me alone. He had a lot of weird ideas about sex and how it could only be missionary with very little foreplay or aftercare, so sex became this uncomfortable 2 minute daily dissociation that I got through for awhile because I thought that’s what I had to do for someone to love me.
He knew we were meant to be, I just needed to accept it. Lots of backstory and I’ll do my best to summarize.
We had gone to elementary and middle school together in Texas and hadn’t ever really talked. In 8th grade my family moved states. I turn 16 and he adds me on facebook, no biggie. He starts messaging me and immature me was ecstatic. Until I realized every sweet thing he said was delivered to manipulate me into only talking to him, ignore my friends and family. Only talked for a few weeks and I broke off our chats when he insisted he should visit and was talking marriage at 16. He wouldnt stop harrassing me so I blocked him.
Flash forward and I am now 22 and a faniliar name pops up in my inbox. He’s changed, he is more mature and not insecure, thinks I was the one that got away. I believe in second chances and tell him we can talk as friends and reconnect. Mistake #1. Decent enough conversations ensue and he does seem to have grown out of his manipulative ways. #2 I agree to date long distance. He fears that Id cheat with anyone thatd look at me, especially with my bestfriend(24f) thats married. Countless conversations on the matter. He was so good to me, he loved me, didnt understand why I spent so much time with her and my godson(her son) if there wasnt anything going on. Insists he needs to visit for a week. #3 My best friend offers to host him so he can save money and be put at ease. That week was the most awkward time to exist. He thought he would parent her son, do her a favor while her husband was at work. I was livid and mortified. He was an ass of a guest and any conversation on the matter was my misunderstanding of events. Any arguments were my miscommunication. I broke up with him on the third day out of the seven he was to be there. He’d wait until 3am to “discuss” things, cry that I just didnt understand how much he cared about me and that as smart as I was he couldnt believe Id turn him down again. 7am he wakes me up with breakfast he’d picked up using my car. The day was spent with me telling him to take the next flight home while I cleaned up the general mess hed made of the guest room. He meanwhile spent the time following me and telling me what a mistake I was making, the best man Id find, how smart and beautiful I was and how we were meant to be. Oh and that I should sleep more, the bags under my eyes were unbecoming. He finally left when best friend’s husband came home early at my request, and told him to get a flight out and leave immediatly. I failed to condense this any further. It was the most cringy “nice guy” experience of my life and the last.
I was with a nice guy once. He was absolutely incredible. But, he had clinical depression. Unfortunately, it got the best of him one day and he just ghosted. I haven’t heard from him since.
I went on about two dates with him. We had a good enough time that I went back to his place. He didn’t use a condom despite me explicitly stating that was a requirement and he had them sitting out. I didn’t notice until it was too late. Oh well I got over it. I noticed that I wasn’t quite sure how much of what he said was true and how much were lies. Anyway we started setting up a third date and o just had a super bad feeling. I always listen to them, but I couldn’t tell if it was about him or just the date so I tried to reschedule and told him I didn’t feel comfortable and that’s when he went off. “I bought groceries for this” “come over here right now” #i hope you get AIDS and die” “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it” “can we make this work?” “I really like you” “get over here now!” And on and on and on. Finally it stopped and I realized how much of a bullet I had dodged and how I really wasn’t Safe in the first place. Then after two years of silence he texted me out of the blue and then started going off again. Mostly to my fiance who texted him asking him to stop or we would go to the police. Then he started making up weirder lies about how he was a federal agent and someone was coming to kill him and then he would rape me. Needless to say we filed a police report (he had done similar text stalking before) and I filed a restraining order. Everything was through text, but better safe than sorry. That was our nightmare about a year ago. Its over now, but damn that was rough for a bit.
Never dated him, but he was one of my best friends for a decade until recently. He was pretty depressive for a lot of our friendship and I was happy to be a support system, but towards the end, his complaints about life become more and more about how women have it so much easier than men. He began to talk about how he wasn’t man enough for the women around him and it wasnt fair that he didnt have a girlfriend.
His inward feelings of feeling emasculated by society turned into outward anger for the women who rejected him, because they expected him to have his s*** together a little bit…I just got so sick of hearing him say that everything was so much easier for women.
After years, I finally gave this guy who’s been in love with me since high school a chance. He’s definitely deemed as a ‘nice guy’. He was great and he’ll make someone happy but he just wasn’t for me. He definitely tried his hardest to win me over & keep me happy but he was also very smothering when we were just in the talking stage- ALWAYS wanted to talk about our feelings, sending cute messages literally every morning or throughout the day, getting mad at me when I didn’t have an answer to questions pertaining to the future. Our first date ended with a fight, so uh there’s that.
Long story short- I’m now traumatized when I get into new relationships because I don’t want to annoy my SO like this guy did to me constantly texting me & asking me about feeling and trying to be cute. Most I’ll send now is a good morning text and I refuse to do some things that could be cute just because I’m worried I’ll be the one annoying my SO now
Currently in the middle of giving my nice guy a chance. He’s not perfect (literally had no idea how to be a boyfriend at first, I’m his first girlfriend) but he’s very sweet and smart, and the first guy who I’ve felt so much of a connection to. Our relationship is pretty recent, but it’s not the overly romantic kind with grand gestures (those are hard for him)–the charm of it lives mainly in how comfortable we are with each other and the little, mundane moments.
Before him I didn’t date “nice guys”and it never worked out for me. Maybe they were better at buying me flowers or picking the restaurant or whatever, but those relationships weren’t as stable. In this one I’ve found stability, and couldn’t be happier.
I think it really comes down to whether or not they’re what you’re looking for.
He was f****d up on all levels, he wanted a lot of weird things sexually and also had a double personality, one for the public one for me, weird cause he only started showing me his second face after a year of relationship when we moved in together, that was a big mistake. Once i was trapped with him the abuse started. Oh well, i moved out 10 days ago and i am fine. Some people that seem too nice usually hide something but some of them are like me, been through some s***.
I agreed to go to the movies with him that weekend. His behavior immediately got so overbearing I cancelled that same day -well before the date even happened. He responded by stalking me for at least two years after. People I dated would report being confronted by someone who matched his description, who never gave a name but would tell them he was my “real boyfriend” and they needed to stop talking to me or he would hurt them.
He also has the distinction of being the only person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as a “nice guy” verbatim. He said it very often, including while wheedling me into agreeing to a date. “Nice Guys Finish Last” by Green Day was literally his favorite song.
Met him on Tinder and we went out to eat. He insisted on paying for it since I drove out there. We started dating and I remember thinking about 9 months in that we had never argued (quite opposite of my last relationship). We moved in together and adopted a dog together. The other day, we got in an argument and I realize that we have had arguments, he just actually talks about it instead of yelling. We close on a house and will reach our two year mark in a few weeks. I’m so glad I went against my normal type. I love him so much
So I had a crush on this guy in high school, college comes around and he’s single and wants to date me, awesome! It’s going great!
I take him to my college’s performance of Cinderella and he proceeds to draw faces on all my friends pictures who were in the cast brochure and shows it to me, so proud of his artwork. “I especially made Kevin (my old FWB) DEAD.” Uhhhh okay dude, that’s pretty immature and disrespectful, those are my friends.
My birthday comes around. He got mad at my true life Mary Poppins of a Grandmother for buying me tickets to my favorite musical for my birthday because “he was going to buy them for me.” Well he got even more angry at me when I decided not to take him. Why would I? He can’t even behave himself at a college production, what makes me think he’d behave at a professional level one.
I broke up with him shortly after that, he spent a while on Facebook trying to convince my friends that he was cooler and they should hang out with him instead.
OH and his replacement gift for my birthday was a carton of cigarettes….and I had been trying to quit for about a month at that time.
He told me what a nice guy he was, and how things never worked out but every girl he dated always told him how much of a nice guy he is.
We dated and he was angry all the time, would fly off the handle at nothing and escalate almost everything into a yelling argument. He would not stop. And he told me that I was forcing him to act this way and he never was like this when he wasn’t dating me. Multiple times I ended up saying, “then why are you with me if I’m so bad for you??”
Another thing I noticed…. he’d use my name a lot when trying to deny the things he said. Now I know this is a manipulation tactic. I broke it off once I learned about the term “gaslighting”. So much of those arguments just left me angry, and then after the gaslighting, confused and I spent a lot of time filtering everything I said and did as much as I could to not trigger him to freak out. Once you recognise you’re doing this, it’s 100% red flag.
It was a very unpleasant time. I can’t explain how much it drives you insane to have someone not recognise or own up to the things they said. “I never said that!” “You’re putting words in my mouth!” “YOU said that, I didn’t say that!” to the point of feeling like I had to walk around with a tape recorder for every conversation. It ACTUALLY makes you question your own sanity. Because how could any sane person not remember something they themselves said??? Isn’t that the most fundamental part of your memory? So it makes you question, maybe you ARE remembering wrong, or interpreting wrong. It’s awful. Never again.
Now I can see the red flags and I’ve cut off one relationship at the start, and avoided another. It’s just this feeling I get about someone now and I KNOW. I don’t even give it a chance. Never again.
He came across as a nice guy, who was a bit shy and sweet. After seeing him for a while I started to notice him getting jealous whenever i would chat to other guys at parties. So when I gently confronted him about it, he would totally deny it and get angry at me for even thinking he would.
Some fishy behaviour came out regarding him still being in contact with his ex of a year (he always talked about how crazy she was), and then more sketchy relations with him getting way too close to my apparent ‘best friend’ at the time. When I had a suspicion about all of the above, he went nuts at me and accused me of being crazy, like how dare I even think it could be true. At the same time his was all going on, he mislead our group of friends into thinking I was crazy and implied I abused him – that part makes me sick to this day. He was totally hot and cold, and I’d often find myself apologising to him about things he’d done to hurt me in the first place. I think he got a kick out of having the upper hand, and would frequently gaslight me.
Roll forward several months, the previous best friend came clean about it all and turns out my suspicions proved to be true. It took me a while to realise how manipulative he was.
This guy tried to message me a few weeks back to get coffee, and I responded by blocking him
They weren’t nice lol
Ex husband is a great example. He was the best person I ever met. He was everything I had ever wanted in a man. But legit the day we got married his personality did a flip and he became the complete opposite of what he was when we dated. He turned into a depressing, mean lump of a man. We didn’t even last 2 years.
I had to divorce him because he was nasty towards my kid, kept telling me he was going to kill himself and how much I’d get from insurance after he was dead, and he smelled so bad 99% of the time. He also withheld intimacy from me and I’m a very physical person. When we were intimate it was all about him. There’s more, but these reasons were the deal breakers for me.
As a wife I felt like I had to try but after a year and a half of crying and becoming depressed I had to go. Bad decision on my part.
He was a friend of friends. Met him a few times in social settings, and he was funny and cute and seemed like somebody I’d hang out with.
Our first real date (we hung out twice alone before, light making out happened, nothing crazy) he drank a double bottle of wine himself – charmed every girl in the place with his jokes – and afterwards walked me outside and tried to make out with me on a busy street. I kissed back a little, then asked him if we could do that back at his place (walking distance from his house at this point and I didn’t like being watched by strangers) and he proceeded to scream at me in the street for an hour about being rejected by girls and being sick of the friend zone and how girls love to go out with jerks and not nice guys like him…
At first I felt bad for him, and I tried to explain that clearly I was into him, since I was actually out with him, and up until that point, I did actually think he was a nice guy.
He told me to sleep in my car, when it was about 30 degrees outside. (I had been drinking, and we’d pre-planned my staying with him that night. I lived half an hour away.)
Afterwards, I told one of our mutual friends what happened. She said, “You know, I can totally see him pulling something like that.” A heads up would’ve been nice.
We dated for 1.5 years. When we met my senior year of college, he was handsome, in shape, a neuroscience major, and a nerd. I fell for him almost instantly (especially since I hadn’t dated anyone for a long time). He was shy but sweet and his friends explained he’d never had a girlfriend, which really surprised me
A week after we first had sex (which, btw, he didn’t tell me he was a virgin until RIGHT BEFORE), he made me tell him how many people I’d slept with. When I told him, he freaked out and tried to call things off. I should have let him.
The next 1.5 years were filled with him calling me a s*** for sleeping with anyone before him, followed by insisting he be able to go out and try to “get more experience”. Shockingly, I agreed to this. Not shockingly, he didn’t manage to get anywhere.
So so glad thats over.
Met a guy at a bar who seemed nice until he insisted I owed him a dance for buying me a drink. I don’t dance, so I kindly said no thank you and he got rude. My best friend chimes in and he starts berating both of us. Two guys near us overheard, and my best friend asked one of them to help. He pretended to be her boyfriend, and his friend did the same with me.
Fast forward a few months, my best friend and this guy are dating and going on a camping trip. She invites me and says his friend will be there. He was sweet. Great manners. Gentleman. Kind. Covered his eyes when I drunk changed in front of him. I thought he was too nice, even though he was touching my leg a bit and leaning into me when he laughed. I wasn’t interested. On the way home he was super sweet, covering my best friend when she fell asleep in the car and putting the heat on when I covered myself with the jacket.
On his way out of my driveway I texted him and said I left my coffee cup in the back, and that I was sorry for leaving trash in his car. He said I had to see him again and get it out.
Three and a half years later, he’s mine, and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me! No more jerks for me. I’m sticking with this sweetie for life!
We were 14 and had been friends for a while. He asked me out and I didn’t particularly like him but I had no self esteem and was just so excited that somebody had even asked. He turned into a monster. I had to answer whenever he called or texted, or he’d freak out and leave screaming voicemails about how I must be cheating and he’s going to kill himself. He used to say that I was going to save him, because he was broken and I was an angel. When we went on dates, if he thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to him he would grab both of my arms and squeeze so hard that I cried. One time he said something rude and I playfully slapped him on the arm (not enough to hurt, just a light swat) and he started choking me. He would threaten to kill me, my dog, my family, and himself if I left him. His best friend was always hanging out with us when we were together and never stopped it. He would come to my house when I was home alone and break in.
When I broke it off after three months, he would send me photos of my name carved in his arm, threatening messages about how he was going to kidnap and rape me, and wrote “die whore” on my driveway. We moved shortly thereafter. Every once in a while he’ll try to add me on social media using fake accounts, even 12 years later. I have nightmares about him for weeks every time.
In high school, at an arts camp. I had known him for like 2 weeks. He seemed nice but inexperienced. He knew I was in an open situation with a guy from home, but after I kissed him one night and he immediately started acting like we were in a relationship. I just went with it, but made it clear again and again that he was just a short term side piece. He started making uncomfortable remarks about how his parents wouldn’t like me because I was too whoreish, or how he knew I had blown guys before so why wasn’t I blowing him? He started talking about how we should apply to the same college so we could get married, and became extremely possessive and warded off all my male friends.
I went on a couple dates with a guy who told me he’d been to ‘gentlemen classes’ to learn how to pick up women. He called me ‘m’lady’ in person and over messenger.
I told him I didn’t see it going anywhere and just wanted to be friends. He got very pissed off at me and told me he was jealous of anyone who got to be intimate with me. That was a weird time.
I dated a “nice guy” who, after 3 years of being best friends, finally had pressured and coerced me into giving a nice guy like him a chance. While we were together, he would stealth while we were having sex without my knowledge, which ended up in me getting pregnant at 17 and having to go through with an abortion without my parents finding out! When I told him after it had happened, I dumped his ass but he still latched like crazy. The last time I ever saw him he forced me to sleep in his bed with him (I was supposed to sleep on the couch) and cried for the entire night because I wouldn’t have sex with him. A month later he sent me an ESSAY outlining what a horrible, self-centred, vapid b***h I was. Haven’t spoken to him in about 4 years and I’ve never been happier. 🙂
Unsure about the whole nice guy thing as a label but I’ve noticed guys tend to actually be nice when they’re emotionally open with their guy friends. Whether that means talking about feelings or hugging hello or goodbye, the way a guy expresses himself around other male equals can reflect how he’ll share and act with you sometimes
He eventually became my boyfriend, then paid for naked photos of some girl with the same name as me, apart from she put the word “sl***y” in front of it, printed the photo out, wanked over it, took a picture of his empty flacid c***, the photo covered in j*** and then sent it back to her so she could upload it onto her webpage.
Justifiable though, cause we had just had an argument.
I broke up with him when he said all muslims/arabs are terrorists and deserve to die. Including children. Sad part is, he was the first boyfriend I’d ever loved and I haven’t fallen in love since. I think my hormones hate me.
Dated a nice guy for a few months in college. We were close friends, and people kept saying “he’s so nice, you would make a great couple” so I gave it a shot.
TL;DR we weren’t compatible, but he didn’t see that. For example, I was very independent, and he got upset when I wanted to pay for things or wanted to go hang out with my friends. He wanted to get married, I wanted to graduate college and sort out my life.
Nice guy behavior: when we broke up, he said I would never find someone better than him.
The next guy I dated ended up being my husband
We dated for a few months. Any time I didn’t want to have sex he would guilt me and accuse me of hating him/not being attracted/ planning to dump him. Including our first time. Same thing if I didn’t text or call him back immediately. He was jealous of the time I spent with my friends, but refused to join us for anything. He nit picked everything about me and acted like a kicked puppy if I ever called him out for it. He was just trying to help me be a better person after all.
He was a big fellar (very tall, very heavy set), and seem very shy and unconfident because of this. At first he were very sweet and shy as I had anticipated, but as we got further into the relationship he turned out to be one of the most narcissistic and controlling people I have ever met!
He were completely self-absorbed and believed he were a music god (the only thing he were good at) and wanted to decide what clothes I wore.
Went on one date with a guy in highschool, told him I wasn’t interested in continuing to see him. We went to a movie and the whole time he kept trying to put his hand on my leg and move it up slowly, I literally kept physically pushing his hand off.
So he keeps texting me as if we are dating, trying to start conversations and making plans to hang out, completely ignoring me turning him down. Finally he decides he is “breaking up” with me because I wasn’t religious and he had to be with a girl who had a relationship with Jesus Christ.
I tell my friend about this dude, turns out he had a reputation and had been texting her asking for nudes because THEY went on a single date as well and she turned him down for being a perv.
Fast forward maybe a year later I’m in the next city over at a fireworks festival. I get a text from an unknown number saying “Hey, are you in (town)?” I’m a little weirded out so I say “No, who is this?” And get the response “It’s (the guy) and yes you are in town, I’m looking at you right now.” I told my friend I was with and we got the hell out of there, I never saw him.
I gave more than one “nice guy” a chance. They all cheated on me and were obsessed with getting female attention.
What “nice guys” don’t seem to comprehend is that it’s about attraction. Different women are attracted to a different type of guy. Just because you’re nice there are no guarantees you’re going to get a date and in all honesty it’s some guy wanted an eight hour date with me on the first day I would tell him to pound salt.
He ended up being verbally and mentally abusive, Gaslighting, manipulative, extremely jealous. Wouldn’t let me wear makeup or cute guys so I couldn’t attract other men. It was in high school and I was in band. Band was before lunch, so sometimes we wouldn’t leave when class was out so we coyld finish playing a song or two, and he would be livid. accusing me of cheating on him.
When I broke things off with him he showed up at my apartment at 7am on Saturday morning and followed me home on the subway. I think his best work came in the form of harassment via e-mail though: when I refused to be with him, he called me a cum-dumpster.
I dated a guy I met online through gaming. He was really sweet but seemed slightly troubled. Apparently all his partners had cheated on him. His previous girlfriend cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else’s kid and he stayed with her (she kept the kid) . She was also on parole for running her ex over with her car. He talked about how he stood by her and it was all because he was a nice guy.
He would legitimately tell me about all these girls who were in love with him because he ‘treats them well’ . Initially I didn’t think it was that cringr worthy or thought he was lying, I ended up being with him for almost 2 years. Guess what? He cheated on me with above ex, I wasn’t even mad. I was glad that I got out of the relationship because he was both emotionally and physically abusive. He ruined a lot of my life over those 2 years . He wouldn’t let me see or talk to any of my friends. When I went to university I’d have to walk out of lectures / classes to pick up his random phone calls or else I’d be pegged as “cheating”, I started self harming and he encouraged it. I could go on but yeah.
I find men who claim to be “nice guys” are the rudest. They act like the world of women owe them for some reason and tend to be the ones that would force themselves on me and get angry if I pushed them off.
My man now doesn’t claim to be a nice or even believe in the whole Friendzone thing, and he is literally the kindest, nicest man I have ever been with or known.
Not me, but my girlfriend dated a “nice guy” before we got together, and it went about as you’d expect. He always talked about how nice he was, and how he’d treat her like a princess, blah blah. But then he’d get insecure and jealous and read her texts and yell at her about where she’d been, etc. He even memorized one of her male friends’ license plate so he could check if he was at her house (her neighbor had the same car model/color, hence the license plate). Just weird.
First boyfriend- I was a freshman in college after having no real interaction with boys as I went to an all girls school. Went well at first, but quickly turned into him manipulating me away from my friends, but spent a majority of his time with me ignoring me, would say I looked like a man, withhold intimacy, and would be overall demeaning. Realized after 11 months how toxic it was and jumped ship. He would then prank call me in the middle of the night, write my number in bathrooms, and get his female friends to hand out my name and number to creepy guys. He then got a job where I was working and tried to get me fired multiple times. Finally got away from him after graduation and i am doing amazing and he is not so much, so best form of revenge.
After two weeks he told me I needed to have sex with him because he “deserved it” for not cheating on me. When I refused he hit me across the head with a ladle and raped me while I was unconscious
Ended up staying with him out of fear and getting two abortions in one year (at 18) and he ended up in a drink driving accident and got slapped with a few manslaughter charges.
Not the only one of my exes to now be sitting in prison.
I have terrible judgement.
Mr nice guy, was so nice. He said all the right things. I was pretty vulnerable after losing my mum so I think it was nice to have someone so nice, and assertive. Assertive quickly changed to controlling. Nice quickly became that I’m such a b****. He was the type to always point out how much women loved assholes. Or that all women were hysterical and sometimes it was nessicary for men to calm them down with a smack. Oh but also he never hit me, because he’s a nice guy. I remembered it wrong. I left when he tried to strangle me infront of our baby…. Nobody believed me, because he was such a nice guy. Now my son has issues, and all my sticking up for him goes pretty much the same way, because he’s such a nice guy. After years of therapy I’m ok, but I think I’ll always have some issues around trust in that area of my life.
Depends. I’ve dated a few nice guys. Some were great and the breakup was due to a lack of chemistry.
My latest nice guy was a damn nightmare though. Super needy and really lacked emotional intelligence. That relationship went on for a few years. When I left he melted down completely. Didn’t know how to function.
I won’t rule out nice guys completely but I am more careful now. I give thought to what is driving that nice guy behavior and the potential consequences.
He assumed I’d dated all assholes up to him and he was some kind of knight in shining armor who would “treat me right” and it was so weird and creepy and patronizing.
Most guys I’d dated before him were nice guys who didn’t feel the need to proclaim themselves as such and I’d had good relationships with them.
He needed for me to say he was better then them and I was happier with them and he wasn’t and I wasn’t, so that was that.
It was short-lived and yes, he did sporadically semi-harass me for too long after.
He was a member of a friend group in summer camp and I kind of felt pressured to do it. Was twice my size and bragged about drinking all the time. I wanted to hike in the woods and he tagged along. What ensued was him raging about me not sleeping with him on the moss floor and the biggest run of my life after he got very very touchy. Afterward, I acted out in every way I could to keep him away without saying that he attempted to sexually assault me.
I was fourteen and my psychiatrist refused to help me with my male phobia that developed after the fact. I just couldn’t look at the opposite gender for awhile. Eventually worked it out on my own and never talked about it after my psychiatrist said I was overreacting.
So this is about the nice guys and not the friendzoned ones. I misread it at first and was in shock about this comments :O
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