“Well-Endowed Boyfriend: Fear of Having Sex”
Bigger isn’t always better (Picture: Neil Webb/Metro.co.uk)
Time again to help someone with a relationship dilemma after last week’s straight-talking issue.
Today we have a woman who’s boyfriend is rather large downstairs. Many people think that would be a good thing – certainly no problem, and many men think they’d be better off with a bit extra in the trouser department.
However, our reader says she’s afraid of sex with her boyfriend as it causes her pain. She finds herself making excuses not to make love, or fakes enjoyment.
The couple get on really well, she says, so she wants to hang onto her fella rather than end it the relationship just over his size.
Surely there’s a solution to this issue? Let’s see what our expert has to say.
Most of my friends seem to think my problem isn’t really a problem, but to me it is. Apparently, I’m supposed to be grateful that my boyfriend is massive down below, whereas in fact I dread sex, because I know it’s going to hurt.
I’ve known this guy for years and his mates have always made jokes about his size, but he just laughs it off. To tell the truth, before I went out with him, I found the idea that he was well built a bit of a turn on.
Then last summer, the friendship turned into a relationship when he asked me out for a drink. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together on that very first night.
This is when I realised that people weren’t joking when they said he was big in the trouser department. I know it sounds dramatic, but I’m being serious when I say that seeing him undressed made me feel pretty terrified.
Sex was uncomfortable and I had to pretend to enjoy it when really, I wanted it to be over asap.
I did wonder whether to pursue a relationship after that, but we get on really well in every other way, so it seems a shame to ditch him on the grounds that he is too well endowed.
I make loads of excuses to get out of sex and only pretend to enjoy it when we do make love. I wonder how long he’ll put up with me.
What the experts say
It’s ironic that so many men wish they had an extra centimetre or two, when in fact over-endowed men could tell them it can be an even greater issue.
Part of the problem is that from the very first time you had sex with this guy you have been tense and anxious, and this has prevented you from becoming fully aroused. As a result, sex has been even more painful, and a vicious circle has been created.
Break the cycle by being honest with your boyfriend and asking him to be more aware of how you are feeling when he makes love to you. He might need to adopt a gentler approach in the short term and build up to more energetic sex once you have resolved this issue.
It’s unlikely that width can be the problem; remember, women’s bodies are designed to allow a baby to pass through. If length is the trouble, try different positions to find one that stops penetration being too deep and use plenty of lube until you can start to relax, and your own body takes over.
There are also certain sex toys on the market that will stop full penetration, so you may want to check out that option, too.
Like most sexual difficulties, this can be resolved if you both play your part. Once you relax and find positions that work for you, you will go on to have the great sex life you once dreamt of.
What do you think?
Leave your own advice in the comments section below and we will publish a selection of the best reader words of wisdom.
Laura Collins is a counsellor and columnist
Got a sex and dating dilemma?
To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk
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