“Polyamorous Relationship: A Week in My Sex Life”
‘For me, aftercare is a big thing’ (Picture: Myles Goode/Getty Images)
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week, we hear from Becky*, who’s 30, bicurious and in a polyamorous relationship with one long-term partner.
At the moment, Becky, who works as an occupational therapist, is dating a few people on a casual basis.
‘I would describe my personal relationship with sex as evolving and conscious,’ she tells Metro.co.uk.
‘After a period of dating, I learned – through mistakes and hurting friends – that I was using sex as a coping strategy; a way to get intimacy and distraction when I was feeling sad or lonely.’
Now, Becky says she’s a lot more conscious of why she wants to have sex and how it makes her feel after the fact.
‘I’ve worked to be more authentic and less performative whilst having sex,’ she says, ‘to enjoy it, be silly, laugh.’
Without any further ado, here’s how she got on this week…
Warning: The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.
Today is my final day staying with family. Due to their small house (with no spare room), my brother-in-law and I have been alternating between sleeping on the sofa or sharing a bed with my sister.
So definitely no sex for me – or my sister/brother-in-law for that matter – although my energetic two-year-old niece may have tired them out, too.
I’ve had no sex now for almost a week.
That’s quite a long time for me, but to be honest I’m not missing, craving or wanting it.
I’m pretty run down and tired, and happy to be catching up on sleep and resting during my time off work.
I’m out today in Oxford Circus for some life admin and admiring all the beautiful people around.
I’m definitely someone who finds lots of strangers attractive and likes to exchange a smile or glance.
Although it’s nice to be out and about, usually one of my favourite day off things to do is a cheeky midday wank, with my curtains open and daylight streaming in (my bedroom is not overlooked, I’m not an exhibitionist).
As someone who gets pretty regular sex, this is usually enough for me. I don’t often masturbate, but there’s just something about having a day to yourself to do as you wish.
Today is full of celebrating one of my best friends turning 30.
After a boozy evening, my partner and I settle in for some late-night noodles and cuddles in bed, and I’m asleep before I know it.
As I said, there is no rush for me for sex, and I’d much rather have a good night’s sleep and good morning sex.
Being able to say ‘I’m tired and not in the mood’ has definitely been a learning curve for me instead of feeling pressure to try and match to someone with a higher sex drive.
Morning sex is just my favourite and waking up at my partner’s on a Sunday is the perfect way to make that happen (again and again).
For me, aftercare is a big thing. I like the skin-on-skin cuddles. I like the random chats and giggles, I love the (literally) naked vulnerability of those post-sex moments and a Sunday with no plans is great for that.
What a great way to begin a new week.
Another busy Monday trying to get back into the swing of it and catch up on emails.
After work, I go home for a quick dinner and then off to play sports.
As usual, I’m pretty exhausted when I get home and sex hasn’t even crossed my mind. It’s just a shower and bed for me.
Tonight I have a date.
It’s with someone I’ve been on a few dates with over a period of about four months. We’ve slept together since our second date, so there is definitely an unstated assumption that I would probably stay at theirs.
I’ve done all the usual pre-date admin – shower, shave etc – and I’ve got all my essentials in a bag – toothbrush, fresh underwear, contacts pot. No harm in going prepared, right?
We head out for nice food and wine and have a really fun night. I find their company very easy and enjoyable.
But as the night comes to an end, I start thinking and stressing about the inevitable ‘wanna come back to mine?’ questions as we’re finishing our last drinks.
I know I have definitely given in to an expectation of going back to someone’s place, especially if we’ve slept together before. And at the start of dating someone, it can be hard to know which way it’s going, but I take my uncertainty as a sign, listen to myself and opt for a good night’s sleep and the bed to myself.
And then the next morning wake up to the same old dating dilemma – have I got the ick?
*Name has been changed
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