“Hiring a PI to Catch Cheating Husband, But Now Want Him Back”

What’s the best course of action for our spy? (Picture: Getty Images)

This week, a reader reveals how she hired a private detective to find out whether her husband was having an affair. Her suspicions proved to be true, and when she confronted him, he left.

But despite the heartbreak, she wants her man back. Should she fight for him? Or see his infidelity as a blessing in disguise?

Before you go, check out a recent dilemma, where one 21-year-old reader pondered whether he should tell his friend he’d been sleeping with his mum.

The problem

As a young couple with good jobs, plenty of friends and an active sex life, you’d think we should have been happy. But not so; my live-in boyfriend dumped me three months ago and I just can’t get over it.

For nearly a year I sensed he was up to something. Sex felt very mechanical, and he wasn’t at all affectionate. He didn’t want to kiss me and would turn his back to go to sleep. He’d often work late, or even make excuses not to come home at all.

I thought he might be having an affair and so I hired a private detective. My suspicions turned out to be right, as I discovered he was seeing a much older woman at the car showroom where he works. When I confronted him with the evidence, he just packed up and left.

I know it’s a spiteful thing to say, but this woman is awful. She is 15 years older than my boyfriend, and she wears short skirts, high heels, has bleached blonde hair and a permanent fake tan. She tries to look young and professional, but her boobs are always hanging out and he has frequently ridiculed her behind her back.

The one thing she does have though, is money. She’s always off on expensive holidays and drives a flash car. Apparently, she gets financial support from her ex, and I think she only works so she can be surrounded by young guys.

I’m so bitter and angry, yet at the same time I still love my ex-boyfriend. How can I get him back?

Laura says:

There are times when I think it’s important to try again, or forgive one infidelity (especially when there are children involved) but this isn’t one of them.

I know you’re hurting, and your emotional state can make it hard to think straight, but believe me when I tell you, you don’t want him back.

I don’t expect you to be complimentary about the woman he’s gone off with but try to disregard who she is or what she’s like. The fact is, he cheated on you for a year and would probably have carried on cheating, had you not forced the issue – and when you did, he just walked out without any explanation or apology.

My guess is, if it hadn’t been the woman at work, it would eventually have been someone else.

It may not last between the pair of them, but even if your ex begs you to try again, just enjoy the moment and say a firm no.

Three months is not long to mend a broken heart, but mend it you will, with the help of friends and family. Surround yourself with people who make you feel valued and loved. Socially, put yourself out there and enjoy life as a single person.

Give yourself time to recover from this betrayal and be open to the idea of a new relationship with a guy who’ll treat you as you deserve.

Laura Collins is a counsellor and columnist

Got a sex and dating dilemma?

To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.