IT took five minutes for Ellie Parrott to realise the stranger she was talking to was the one for her.
But she was not chatting to Mike Wickham on a dating app. The pair were at a speed dating evening in Islington, North London.
Once hailed as the modern way to find true love, digital dating is increasingly losing its attractionCredit: Getty
Ellie Parrott and Mike Wickham met speed datingCredit: Supplied
The pre-school worker had signed up for the singles night in February 2022, paying £22 for the ticket, after splitting with her long-term boyfriend.
Mike, 39, who works in media, had been off the dating scene for a while but decided to give the event a go.
Ellie, 28, says: “I’d recently come out of a long-term relationship and the idea of meeting men on apps filled me with dread.
“I’d heard horror stories from friends and knew it wasn’t for me. Speed dating seemed more sociable and fun.
“Mike was date number 12 and I instantly found him very attractive.
“It turned out we had plenty in common, like a shared passion for travel, and he came from just down the road from me.
“Within five minutes, I knew we were a match.”
After heading to a nightclub, they ended up on the dancefloor together and the rest is history.
“We’ve been a couple for more than two years and we’re talking about moving in together,” says Ellie.
“I could have spent hours on apps, so I feel very lucky to have met Mike in person.
“You can’t beat sensing that immediate physical spark.”
Once hailed as the modern way to find true love, digital dating is increasingly losing its attraction.
Last year just a quarter of women aged 18 to 34 used a dating app, compared with half of men, according to research firm Mintel.
‘Single people are jaded’
Shares in Match Group, which owns Tinder and Hinge, have plummeted by more than 80 per cent since 2021.
And this week a survey by online dating app Bumble found 70 per cent of female users are suffering from app “burnout”.
It is easy to see why. Dating apps once promised single women an unlimited pool of possible matches, with clever algorithms sending “the one” right to your phone.
But even former Bumble CEO Whitney Wolfe Herd has admitted these apps are “essentially full of people hurting people”.
Research says marriages forged through apps are less likely to go the distance than non-digital matches.
Katie McNamara, 28, host of podcast Single Sounds, says people her age are seeking alternatives.
Last year she held two in-person singles nights in London for 140 men and women, with another on Valentine’s Day this year.
“It’s been so much more popular than I anticipated,” she says.
“Loneliness is a big epidemic and single people are jaded with dating online and the hours wasted on it.
“These events bring you together with like-minded single people who are looking to find love.
“A lot are no longer on the apps. They want a more organic experience of meeting someone.”
She believes the business model of dating apps — which is to retain customers rather than making lasting matches — is the problem.
“The whole mission of these businesses is to keep you hooked,” Katie says.
“Even if you don’t meet a romantic match at a dating event, you might connect with a new single friend to have fun with. It never feels like a wasted night.”
It is not just pre-internet generations who are looking for love in person at events like singles nights.
More than 90 per cent of Gen Z feel frustrated with dating apps, according to youth research agency Savanta.
Brigid Hayward, founder of Catalyst Matchmaking, is not surprised by the increasing app apathy.
The dating world is hard and I’m glad to help smooth things along
Brigid Hayward, Catalyst Matchmaking
“Women tell me they are burnt out from using technology to find love,” she says. “They are sick of the lies, the married men just wanting a mistress, the high expectations.
“It seems the more connected we are by technology, the harder it is to make real connections.”
Norwich-based Brigid, works with clients aged 30 to 75 and brings them together for dinner parties.
She started her business after years of setting up friends, with three couples she introduced getting married.
“The dating world is hard and I’m glad to help smooth things along,” she says.
“When I run an event, the golden rule is that they must speak to every attendee, to give them a chance.
“I put a fact, like their favourite film, on their name badge.
“Jobs and divorces are off limits. I also tell people, ‘Don’t think it, feel it.’
“Apps give too much of a chance to overthink whether someone could be a match, rather than going with your gut.”
Brigid Hayward is not surprised by the increasing app apathyCredit: Supplied
Swap yoga for training classes to see some healthy hunksCredit: Getty
WHERE TO FIND LOVE IN REAL LIFE
DONE with dating apps and still looking for love? According to dating coach Hayley Quinn, there are plenty of ways to find The One away from your phone.
She tells Kirsten Jones five places to meet the man of your dreams in real life.
TAKE A DANCE CLASS: Trust me, the vast majority of men who are hitting up salsa are not there purely to improve their moves.
Partner dance is a brilliant way to meet the opposite sex as classes are everywhere, and each dance is like a mini date. Forget speed dating, don’t you want to know how this guy moves?
PICK UP YOUR BAGGAGE: On holiday people are more relaxed and open to talking.
Even if you can’t get access to the airport lounge when off on a break, look for conversation starters with the guy sitting next to you on the plane.
Or, even better, feign you need help lifting your bags, to find your knight in shining armour.
FIND A CO-WORKING CAFE: Hybrid working has meant that some traditional post-work drinks options are dead.
Swap your focus to the daytime and find a cool cafe people use for their WFH days. Ask a guy to watch your notepad as you grab another espresso.
TURN HEADS IN THE GYM: If you want a healthy hunk then ditch your yoga class for a weight training session.
And, of course, you will want to ask him to spot you doing your chest press.
TAKE THE TRAIN: If you see a handsome stranger on your train journey, write down your number the old-school way. If nothing else it will liven up your commute.
FORMER dating app devotee Lucy Weston, 46, from Crystal Palace, South London, tried speed dating to see if flirting face-to-face can lead to love.
Lucy Weston tried speed dating to see if it could lead to loveCredit: Supplied
She says: “I feel like I’ve been internet dating since the beginning of time. From OKCupid in 2010 to the arrival of Tinder, I’ve tried them all and swiping became a habit whenever my hands were free.
It was fun and I met some awesome people . . . as well as some weirdos.
But while apps offer lots of options, you have to put the work in. Constant, monotonous scrolling. Repetitive “getting to know you” conversations.
When I tried to jump to the first date stage more quickly, I wasted evenings on men who I was already over by the time the starters arrived.
But with more in-person dating events popping up, it was time to try a new approach.
The options were varied – dinners, comedy nights and mixers involving magic or board games.
But speed dating would let me chat to multiple potential suitors in the time it would take to have one disastrous date, so I opted for that.
I kept my expectations low as I headed to an event at a pub one Saturday night, especially as my ticket was only a tenner.
There were 20 women and 20 men, mainly aged 35 to 55. When I studied the bar, it was full of men I wouldn’t normally look twice at.
“I might as well be on my sofa in my PJs, swiping left,” I thought, feeling slightly disheartened.
The organiser explained the format – five minutes per date then you log potential matches on the website afterwards – and we began.
My first date was the antithesis of what I like and the conversation was stilted.
But the next chap was very jovial, asking every woman for a number for his lottery ticket.
He wasn’t someone I’d date, but he made me laugh.
As the night went on, I realised I was enjoying being around other single people. One guy, who was charming, told me he’d been waiting to reach my table all night.
I’d have considered seeing him again if he wasn’t well into his sixties. After nearly two hours, my final date sat down.
He wasn’t my usual type but he was cute. His eye contact was intense and when the whistle blew, we continued chatting, grabbing another drink.
We swapped numbers before saying goodbye. I didn’t expect much to come of it but it made me appreciate the beauty of in-the-flesh encounters.
On an app, I’d have swiped left because you make rash decisions based on a few photos and a lame biog.
My speed date did get in touch, but I knew he wasn’t for me and politely declined.
I didn’t find love, but my heart is full – all thanks to the simple joy of meeting new people.”
GAMIFICATION HAS TURNED WOMEN OFF DATING APPS
Relationship counsellor Georgina Sturmer explains why dating apps have lost their spark…
Georgia Sturmer believes the novelty of dating apps has worn off for many of us.Credit: Supplied
She says: “When they were in their infancy, dating apps and websites just felt like an extension of the dating pool, but a lot has changed in the intervening years.
When the act of trying to find a date becomes a gamified online process, it’s easy to see how it might feel empty and as if we’re just browsing on Amazon for our next purchase.
The endless scroll means that there’s always someone new to search for, which for some people can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction and a search for a perfectionist ideal.
Despite the allure and simplicity of the online world, we all crave real human connections.
Dating ‘mixers’ give us opportunities to use all our senses and our intuition to decide if someone really is the ’the one’ or at least has potential.
Sign up to dance classes to meet a potential matchCredit: Getty
As well as seeking out that ‘in person’ spark, these events might also help us to deal with the issue of trust.
When we meet people online, it might be harder to take their words at face value. We might have an underlying fear that they are not telling the truth or that they are not who they say they are.
When we meet someone in person, there’s still a risk that they will be untrustworthy.
But we are better able to tune into all our senses and look out for the signs that might signal a red flag.”
