DEAR DEIDRE: I’M in love with a married woman – who also happens to be my boss.
I’ve been her bit on the side for two years, and I’m worried this is all I’ll ever be. She’s been promising to leave her husband for nearly 18 months.
We met four years ago, working for the same call centre. She’s 45, I’m 36.
She was flirty from the start, always complimenting my looks and buying me coffee
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She was flirty from the start, always complimenting my looks and buying me coffee.
On a staff night out after one too many beers, I thought I’d try my luck.
While the rest of the staff hit the dancefloor, we sat in a booth at the back of the bar.
She told me how her marriage was “practically over” and they were separating. When I leaned in for a kiss, she didn’t hesitate to respond.
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I wanted to make sure she got home safe and asked her to share a taxi with me. Two minutes into the drive, we were all over each other.
We re-routed the taxi to my place, then after pulling each other’s clothes off at the door we had passionate sex on the sofa with her straddling me.
Afterwards she said it was her favourite position but her husband only ever wanted oral sex.
The next morning, she admitted she and her husband weren’t actually separated. She was planning to leave, though, as all they did was argue.
That was a year and a half ago, and she’s still playing the loyal wife.
Her husband insisted they have marriage counselling last summer, so she says it’s too soon to leave — she thinks it would look like she didn’t try.
I’m starting to question whether she’s got any intention of leaving. Am I stupid, waiting around? And is she just using me for sex?
DEIDRE SAYS: Right from the start she has lied – to her husband – as well as you.
If you really want to give her the benefit of doubt and see a future together, give her a set period of time to leave, say four months.
If she still comes up with excuses you have your answer and it is time for you to move on.
You must see this relationship for what it is – a convenient bit on the side.
You deserve someone who wants to commit to you 100 per cent and you will only meet that special person if you break away from your boss.
Your employer is also likely to take a dim view of your relationship, so be careful.
You should check your company policy on relationships at work and if you need any advice contact Acas, which gives independent advice on workplace issues (acas.org.uk, 0300 123 1100).
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