The “Emo Girl” singer, 32, detailed the crisis in his new Hulu documentary, Life in Pink, which premiered on Monday, June 27. The Texas native, whose real name is Colson Baker, said that the dark moment happened in July 2020 following the death of his father, with whom he had recently reconciled.
“I wouldn’t leave my room and I started getting really, really, really dark,” the Big Time Adolescence star recalled in the film. “Megan went to Bulgaria to shoot a movie and I started getting this really wild paranoia. Like, I kept getting paranoid that someone was gonna come and kill me.”
The “Papercuts” rapper went on to say that he always slept with a shotgun near his bed, but that day, he “just f–king snapped.” He called Fox, 36, whom he’d met in March of that year while filming Midnight in the Switchgrass.
“I was like, ‘You aren’t here for me.’ I’m in my room and I’m, like, freaking out on her,” Kelly recalled. “Dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth. And I’m yelling on the phone and, like, the barrel’s in my mouth. And I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet, as it comes back up, the shell just gets jammed. Megan’s, like, dead silent.”
The Billboard Music Award winner said that the moment made him realize that “something is not right.” The Jennifer’s Body star and Kelly’s daughter, Casie, 12, intervened and helped him figure out that he needed to make a change.
“[They said], ‘I want to, like, see you as my father’ and ‘I want to see you as my husband-to-be,’ and I was like, ‘I need to kick the drugs for real this time,’” the “Bloody Valentine” musician said. (He did not specify whether he was using drugs during the incident.)
Later that year, Kelly told Interview magazine that he was seeking treatment for substance abuse and mental health issues.
“Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than commitment to a vice that I believed made the art,” he explained in November 2020. “I’m taking steps. I had my first therapy session last Thursday. That’s the first time I ever went, ‘Hey, I need to separate these two people,’ which is Machine Gun Kelly and Colson Baker. The dichotomy is too intense for me.”
Two months later, the “Maybe” artist told fans that he’d been taking a break from social media while he worked on himself. “I just wanna say to my fans I’ve been in, kind of like, a f–ked up place personally for a couple of months in my head,” he said in a January 2021 Instagram Story. “So, I haven’t been that active on socials.”
The Dirt actor went on to share his excitement over the success of his project Downfalls High, which had recently premiered. “I’m, like, tripping out,” he added.
Kelly and the New Girl alum got engaged in January. Three months later, Fox gushed about her fiancé in an Instagram post shared for his birthday. “The world has no idea what a gentle, beautiful heart you have,” she wrote at the time. “How generous and how thoughtful you are. How absurdly strange and smart and witty you are. You are by far the most unique human I have ever met. You’re such a gorgeous soul. I’m honored to love you and to be the recipient of your love.”
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
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